Updated: Dec 22, 2019
There’s a thing that happens when I meet certain people. It’s hard to put it into words, and it’s even harder to know if my confidence in the feeling is mostly hindsight.
It happened with my ex when I first met him at his father’s birthday party. When he walked into the room that night, I felt startled and at home at the same time. It felt like gravity, like a force greater than the Earth had been pulling on me, and now I was finally seeing the source. At the time, I thought it was love. In hindsight, I think I might call it fate.
It has happened to me before. I felt the same pull when I met AP. When I met The Lover. When I met The Muse. It’s a sixth sense that I seem to carry, and it is so much more than physical attraction. I feel physically attracted to many people throughout the day, but this feeling is deeper than that. It is psychic. It is magnetic. If pure physical attraction is like gazing upon a single star in the sky, the attraction I feel towards these people is more like looking at the sun. It is as though I can sense the lessons that await me within them. My ex's pull was strong, because, well, the lessons he brought to me were life-changing and packed into the most intense six months of my life. The Muse and The Lover still pull on me as I unwrap the lessons they have for me slowly, savoring each step in the process. Each in their own way, they are teaching me that when you share your life with someone, there is no destination, only journey.
It happened to me again recently, this psychic pull. It was immediate, sudden, unexpected, strong. I think I will call him The Guru. The Guru is tall and blonde, muscular in a lean and lanky kind of way. He is thin and lithe and every last part of him is beautiful. He has blue-green eyes, and they are large and round and bright. In the past I have been drawn to dark or deep set eyes, but The Guru’s eyes are neither. There is no mystery in his gaze. His eyes are like my eyes - open and forward and honest. Is that what people see when they look at me? An honesty, a vulnerability, an openness? I hope so. I hope my gaze comforts people the way The Guru’s eyes comfort me.
It is more than just his eyes that draw me in. There is an energy to him, an aura. He makes me feel better just by being in the room. Sometimes, I am drawn to someone because of their chaos. These people have an excitable and agitated energy to them that compels me. But with The Guru, it is different. The Guru is all deep water and rich earth and tempered steel. He is made of mountains.
What lessons await me in that calm and steady gaze? I cannot be sure, but I can sense them, and I don’t call him The Guru lightly. He may be youthful in appearance, but I know better than that. This man has an old soul. It peers out at me from those ocean eyes that seem to see all the way down to the bottom of me. The lessons he might teach me stir just beneath the surface of us, as though we were strung together by their longing before we ever met. Some might call it love, and perhaps love is what awaits us. Either way, I can only hope that one day I will look back on this feeling and call it fate.